My granny died, whilst I was on the bus travelling down to see her and say good bye. I missed her, she just couldn't hold on any longer.
I realise that it is not exactly very sad for a 90 year old woman who was very ill towards the end to have died but i have so much guilt over not having spoken to her in the past 6 years and the fact i never got to set things right with her. I hope she knows that it has all been too hard for me to cope with these last few years. She knew I was coming to see her and I hope she knew what my intentions were.
Thats my last grandparent gone now, i've just realised that.
I've spent the past 2 days trying to organise a funeral for a woman i didn't know because everyone else is too much in shock. In typical me style I threw myself into busy mode so I didn't have to think about what was actually happening. I also had no idea how difficult it is to move a body from England back into Scotland for burial, the answer is VERY difficult! There are loads of forms and coordinating of coroners and funeral directors but I think i managed to sort it all out and the funeral can now go ahead as planned on Friday.

I realise this isn't a very cheerful first journal entry but I don't have very much cheer at the moment, I cant even explain how I feel, its like guilt and anger pounding inside me.

Jude

The tide recedes but leaves behind
bright seashells on the sand.

The sun goes down, but gentle
warmth still lingers on the land.

The music stops, and yet it echoes
on in sweet refrains.....

For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: guilty
Current Music: Sigur Ros - Hafsol